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Blog on the Tyne

Posted Monday, March 05, 2007

Blog on the Tyne

So, yeah, Im up in Newcastle this morning and I have to say last night was a corker. The venue helps of course the theatre was one of those ancient ones, with the three or four tiers and the exquisite decoration, the cherubs, the gilt finishes and the little boxes on each side of the stage like the Muppet Show:

Statler : He was terrible!

Waldorf: He was garbage

Statler : Get him off

Waldorf: Call him a cab!

Statler : He wasnt that bad

Waldorf: Actually he was brilliant

Statler : Hes a genius

Waldorf: Bravo!

Statler:More!

Fade out on hysteria.

Didnt happen last night, but what did happen apart from there being two black people in the audience which I never expected. In Newcastle Afro-Caribbean are as rare as a credit symbol on Colleen Mcloughlins checking account.

So I had a young dude in the middle of the front row and a guy called Sonny and his wife Isabel. Sonny was from Nigeria and was an accountant-he had come to Newcastle 17 years ago and married a local lass and there was much fun to be had with him last night. I also had a very strange young woman who had her head down almost all the way through the first half, looked like she was asleep or doing soduku or a crossword or she was texting someone or something. Turned out she was the local reviewer writing about the show! Unbelievable! Why sit so near the front ? I have to say by looking down constantly and scribbling in her little note pad, she might have missed some of the lovely physicality and vibe of my performance, also some of my slick ballet moves and my mimetic qualities. So she got some stick too.

All in all, a lovely night. I must say, just like the So Much Things To Say tour, Im really enjoying the theatrical venues that are set up for intimacy in their shape and sonic environment than the Leisure Centres and civic halls that we sometimes have to play. I played a gig in Southampton recently and the room was too long, no rake for the audience, it just went all the way to the back, flat and then BING! A little balcony bit for some overspill audience, who probably enjoy the show via binoculars or fax or something.

Not moaning, just saying.

I dont think Ive gigged in Newcastle for ages be interesting to find out when the last time was

I remember when I first started out back in the day, gigs in the North East of England were seen as a kind of Poisoned Chalice. Comedians ventured up there at their own peril. There were legendary stories of comedians being booed, abused and bottled off by irate audiences, all of whom seemed to be wearing flat caps and

eating pies. Certainly the first few times I worked in the North East I found it rough going, but that was probably because I was shite. Probably most of those stories stemmed from inexperienced performers who had their blooding in some God awful working mens club. There were always rules and regulations when you worked in these places you couldn't Be Blue unless it had been specifically asked for. You couldnt even say the word Bloody in some places. Then in other places the compere would walk on and say Whats got twelve balls and fXcks sheep? A shot gun. Now then Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the little black kid off the telly Lenny Henry!

Thats the way it went down.

I was pretty well looked after up here Only ever paid off once this was by a club owner who, although his club was packed every single night with people who wanted to see the little black kid off New Faces, thought I wasnt As good as Charlie Williams and so, on the last night announced that he wasnt paying me the full wack. Bastard.

Things change as you get older and more battle scarred though and where you are physically doesnt seem to matter as much as where you are mentally and spiritually. Lets face it, if you dont have your shit together mentally, its gonna be a crap gig wherever you are.

I was on Scott Mills radio show the other day, doing some stuff for Comic Relief they have Scotts flat mate trying to be a stand up comedian. I really felt for the guy although he had that fearless quality that comics need, unfortunately he didnt have any material at all so the audience were there willing him to be funny and he was getting little pity laughs God it was bad. I hope he isnt mentally damaged as a result of his experience.

Apparently Jonathan Ross talked about the dearth of people of colour working at the BBC. This follows some years after Greg Dykes assertion that the BBC was still hideously white. Ive always said that the BBC was surprisingly unintegrated organisation in 1984 when I got my series the majority of the black or asian people there worked as cleaners or in the canteen. Its 2007 now and Jonathan Ross (huge earning BBC Staffer that he is ) has been embarrassed by the evidence of his own eyes and spoken out about the whole damn thing. He might get a smack on the wrist for speaking out, but at least hes taken the trouble to say something. More ethnic diversity at the BBC Producers, directors, assistant producers- behind the camera talent as well as in front of the camera talent know what Im saying?

SO.(HE SAID, LOOKING DOWN AT THE FLOOR, SHUFFLY WAY )

Big up Jonathan.

Never thought Id say that Ends.